Ask about my world   Your thoughts... on my thoughts    These are my thoughts on everything; life, love, people. Things I like, things I find funny and interesting.
issues I feel need to be addressed but mostly just
My words; the expression of my deepest self.
I do this for me, my own personal therapy...



    (via jonathonchea-deactivated2013123)

    — 1 year ago with 154194 notes

    Writing soothes my soul, my world of words is the only place I can really let go, let every anxious lie, every dirty vibe, every tear I’ve cried flow out of me into a world only the gifted few can reach, a skill that no one can teach.

    When I write I lose the mask I tear down the facade I’ve hidden behind. Its like a bridge i have to cross a wall I have to climb to see what’s my reality. But I always rhyme.

    Its a steady stream of words that come to mind, in my times of need, its what I do so I don’t bleed, red streams of pain, black rivers of numbness, the waves are relentless, endless, the scars on my wrist are telling, remnants of a past worth remembering. So this world of words I hold dear, the conduit to all that I love, dream, hope, and fear. Cuz I don’t want to go back to that time when I wept black tears. I don’t want to go back again, to a time when pain was my only friend, and a blade my only means for it all to end.

    — 1 year ago with 2 notes
    #mywords  #inkspill  #poetry  #SI  #Writing 

    A footprint in the sand that’s never been seen, washed away too quickly by the waves of decisions made by another, a whisper of the wind, that never caressed my skin, lost in the raging tornado of uncertainty and fear, a part of me that’ll never be known
    a cry Ill never hear, a hand I’ll never touch, a smile I’ll never see.

    You’re lost to me, like a leaf that’s been blown away, you were here, with me, and then you we’re gone. The feel of you in my arms is but a phantom representation created by my imagination, and when reality hits its like a waterfall, weighed down by gravity and beaten with the force of the path I took all crashing into some deep never ending hole, and I am left, a lake, full of memories I never had and hopes that can never be. Because you were never there, you never had a chance. I failed you.

    I can only imagine what you might have looked like and can only dream of who you might have been.

    — 1 year ago with 2 notes
    #mywords  #inkspill 

    The sky has changed. Its gone from blue to gray, darkness takes over in the absence of light, what was once bright now has no shine. The birds are no longer singing their song, it all just feels wrong. I hope it doesn’t last long. There’s no more green, the trees lose their leaves, as if they weep. The wind picks up, its not a light breeze, its strong an in need. The clouds open in an angry downpour, nature is crying out, I know not what for, but the change matches my mood, Because I’m standing here where we once stood, wondering if you’d change it if you could.

    I’m caught in a blizzard of your making, alone and cold, chaos, confusion, frustration. Like a flower to be picked I’m here for your taking.

    Yet in turn a storm is brewing, within me, building and churning, ready to hit the world sprinting. Consuming everything that was me and you and spitting it back out destroyed, so if you’re done seeing me as your toy, calm my storm, fix what was torn, lets take a new form and make the world bright and warm.

    Clear the skies, turn them blue, all because of me and you. Start the song so the birds will follow along. Make everything right, chase away the darkness with our light, collect the leaves, plant new seeds for bigger and stronger trees, giveme the love I need. Reign in the wind, soothe my fears and wipe away the tears.

    — 1 year ago
    Smile, its the little things in life that make getting up worth it

    Smile, its the little things in life that make getting up worth it

    — 1 year ago with 1 note
    #me self tubbyrose smile asiangirl 

    Ours together, shouldve been forever, said we wouldnt let go, never
    But we did, between then and now, so much wasted, time spent hurt and frustrated, devastated at the loss of you in my life, loss of the dream of me as your wife. The dream I have of us two at an alter, of one day making you a father, give you a couple sons and then a daughter, but that was all slaughtered. And I believed it was gone, believed we were done. I was prepared, ready to accept that you weren’t going there, weren’t going to be a part of of all that, I was looking at it as fact. But fate, plays a twisted game, putting us together as children on the same team, ripping us at the seams and pitting us against one another, just to have us face eachother and join again as a woman and man.

    But what about this time we have? What happens to us now. Where do we go from here cuz there’s no going back there. To that easy time when it was as simple as ‘I am yours and you are mine’ what’s next, where do we go from here. We were steered off course, by the force of your choice, so give us a heading, raise your voice to the wind and sky, tell them why I should even give this a chance, when you were the one who changed the dance, without a backward glance and then came waltzing back into my life. Tell me what this means, so we together again as a team can salvage what’s left of our ripped seams and move forward, towards our old dreams

    Will we make the most of the days and weeks and months and years we have a head or will we let it fall like lead to the deepest depths of the sea to rest forever untouched and unknown. Or will we take it to the sky, to let loose and fly high, higher than where green can take us. Up and away to another plane. Because that is the way I can see us ending up one day. Beyond what we dreamed. The ultimate team executing the ultimate scheme.

    — 1 year ago with 1 note
    Anonymous asked: i think your suuuuper cute.


    Aww thank you!!

    — 1 year ago

    you cant see the scar but he left his mar, with his love, he marred my skin, my soul, my heart. he wielded his love like a weapon meant to keep me at bay, and day after day, all i could do was wait. helpless, but i could only stay for what he gave he could take away. and i could lose it, could lose him, had to let it be, because his love branded me as his forever.

    his touch like fire melted the ice surrounding my heart. his words caressed my ears and removed the lies that had torn me apart. his smell cleared the stink of past rejections, the feel of his lips on min washed away the taste of shame and dejection and his smile brightened my world and opened my eyes to the light. he did all this for me. to me. he surrounded me, engulfed me, and held me close. so when he was gone and i was alone, i was still a slave to everything i once knew i could be, knew i could feel.

    i was left yearning and aching. lost to a part of myself i had all but forgotten. he left me marked, branded, scarred. i was his. i always have been always will be.  he holds a big part of me. 

    but time has show me that i also left my mark. and now i will wield my power over his body, his soul, his heart. not to punish him for leaving but to bring him back from the edge of the black hole he’s created.

    we are forever scarred, connected through the marks we made.

    — 1 year ago with 2 notes